Humor

Written by kidsDECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.-- Alan, age 10No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.-- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The following were results for an Oz-words Competition where Entrants were  asked to take an Australian word, alter it by only one letter,  and supply  a new and witty definition.  Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole. Bludgie: a partner who doesn't work but is kept as a pet.  Dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact.  Fair drinkum: good quality Aussie wine.  Flatypus: a cat that has been run over by a vehicle.  Mateshit: all your flat mate's belongings lying strewn around the floor.  Shagman: an unemployed male roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity.  Yabbl

We have all had bad dates..but this takes the cake.Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.  The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico . While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor.

Dear Abby,I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.  The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner.